fiftyfive ; c o n t e m p l a t i o n s

if i`m such the opposite to what you want .. why did you bother ?

for fun ?

what reason ?

sigh ...

haha .. you know .. the night after you told me that shit .. i was on the phone with a very good friend talking about it, and she was giving me advice and all ..

but what she didn`t know was ..

i was crying. a little bit .. but tears nonetheless.

lol.

in the past, i told myself i wouldn`t let myself cry again because of a guy.

but hey .. guess that didn`t work out too well.

i know you`ll probably never read these posts ..

and if you do .. hi. and congrats, now you are able to know what i`m thinking

rather than the 'i don`t know' and the long silences i give you.

oh, and the 'maybes'.

this is where i can let everything [well, almost everything] out ..

sigh ...

i`m actually questioning my sanity at the moment, hahaha.

let me explain;

on fb, i saw a friend`s caps pics with their gf .. it was so sweet.

and hahahaha, for some fucking reason, my imagination went to possible caps pics of us.

LOLLLLLL. am i fucked in the head, or what ?

i really want them, though. maybe i`ll drag you to city one day ... sigh.

ohyeh ! i have around half a cruiser left in my bag .. had the rest that night you said all that stuff ..

hm. tasted pretty nice.

but anyway.

i was so close to have a marlboro red too .. but i decided no. save that for another time.

why am i even saying this ?

ohwell. it`s just whatever`s coming to mind now. hrmhrmhrmmmmm ....

you`ve always questioned me on things, usually on a scale of 1-10

i`ve been thinking .. maybe it`s time i turn those questions back on you.

hear your answers for once ...

i remember quite a few years ago, saying you`ll always have a place in my heart.

that that place will always be yours.

and however much i say i forgot during the course of that time until now

and however much i may seem to deny it

it`s true.

i can`t lie to myself about it.

i`ve thought it through .. and it`s very true.

you`ll always be there .. the first to grasp a bit of it ..

but i very much doubt the last .. lols ..

i think the end 2 lines i`ll post are very true in my case.

you`ll always have my heart, or at least a piece of it ..

and i honestly don`t see it coming sometimes,

because i keep telling myself, nah, it`s gone. that piece is mine again, blahblahblah ..

but i am very blinded haha ..

in more than one way.

sigh.

there`s always that one person that will always have your heart

you never see it coming cos you`re blinded from the start ...