ninetyfive ; c h a n c e s

i never stood a chance, did i ?

then why did you bother ?

haha ...

ninetyfour ; - - - - - -

dearest jaime,

you`re the biggest fucking idiot in the world.

sincerely, heart & brain.

ninetythree ; l a l a l a

post hsc is making me so bored.

and so lazy.

fuck.

i stayed home today .. surprised ?

i am too, considering it was a saturday night, haha.

sigh ...

is it really too much of me to ask you to be there for me when i need you to be, to the best of your ability ?

considering how i`ve always been there for you, through thick or thin, i don`t think so.

but .. i really don`t know what you consider 'friend' to mean ...

i really need to you right now.

i just want a phone convo at the moment ..

but if that`s too much to ask for, then don`t worry about it.

funnily enough you just replied to my text from before ...

coincidence much .. ?

meh.

i`m really curious. why`d you say the stuff you did last night ?

why`d you ask all those questions, knowing it`s not something you should even talk about, let alone mention, when you have a gf ?

.....

sigh.

... here you go again, texting stuff you shouldn`t even think about with me.

aiiiish ................

i`m so confuzzled )= ...

>_<".

so. frustrating. sigh ... =/.

lalala.

too bad tmrs is sunday .. or else i`d go out.

one day at home and i`m already fed up being cooped up )= ..

i should do my resume, hahaha.

=X.

too late to get xmas casual tho, i think ..

ahwells.

drivedrivedrive, then, next week .. HAHA. =L.

WHATTHEFUCK

I THOUGHT SHE MOVED OUT.

WHY IS SHE BACK ?!?!?!?!?! ..

NOOOOOOO

T_T"".

ninetytwo ; c h a n g e s

i remember ;

the days where i had to convince you to hang up when we were on the phone ; this used to happen every time we chatted, long into the night/early morning. sometimes we`d both have school the next day ..

and now ? now you`re quick to hang up. when i`m not in a rush or anything, i wait for you to hang up. i wait .. and see ..

i remember ;

the days where we`d be on the phone for so long, when we`d talk about meaningless things ..

and now ? short convos. still meaningless topics .. but .. it just doesn`t feel the same anymore ..

i remember ;

you singing ; i love your voice, you know that ? even when you`re just talking, i love it. it`s cute. and even cuter when you speak in a childish way like tonight when you were talking about that childhood storybook, or when you`re just heaps tired. [also like tonight].

and now ? you don`t sing to me on the phone .. you don`t have the time to. and why would you .. ? suuureee you sing at karaoke .. and suuuuure you said it was to me the other day .. but .. who do you really think of when you sing the songs that hold so much meaning in just its lyrics ? i don`t delude myself and think they`re all for me when you do sing it at karaoke .. i`m not that self centred. but i can never help but wonder who you have on your mind at those times ..

i remember ;

when i`d tease you for fun and you`d try to retaliate by tickling me and end up keeping your hands on my waist/stomach area ..

and now ? i still tease you for fun. and you`d still try to tickle me .. but .. i`m not ticklish anymore. or not as much as you first met me. and you take your hands back once you touch my waist. [i get it that you shouldn`t keep it there since you have a gf, dw.] i question you about it, and remind you i`m not ticklish. your answer ? "i know. it`s habit !"

... habit ? it takes a while to develop a habit. shows how long a history we have, hey ? ...

i remember ;

your hugs. i love your hugs too. from the front, and when you`d hug me from behind. i loved you just holding me near you .. whether we were standing or sitting, or lying down.

and now ? we don`t hug much anymore. and when we do ... it`s so light. so brief. so .. meaningless. i refuse to hug you sometimes now ... you might wonder why. my answer ? reminds me too much of the proper hugs i once got. it`s too much ...

i remember ;

once saying i hated love, i don`t believe in love, scoffing love ..

and now ? i still hate love. but i do believe in it. i don`t scoff it anymore. why ? because i know it. because i`ve experienced it. i still hate love, yes, but if you have experienced it, you know hate is something love can`t live without.

i remember ;

never saying 'i love you' to you when september happened.

and now ? i regret it. but you know now how i feel. how i`ll always feel.

i remember ;

s o . f u c k i n g . m u c h . t h a t . i t . h u r t s . > _ < " . . .

and now ? what the fuck can i do about it ? ...

[Verse 1:]

Where were you when I said I loved you?

And where were you when I cried at night?

Waiting up, couldn't sleep without you.

Thinking of all the times we shared.

[Chorus:]

I remember when my heart broke.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

I was sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I screamed I hated you.

But somehow deep inside I'm still loving you.

I'm sad and lonely.

[Verse 2:]

No one knew all the pain I went through.

All the love I saved deep in my heart for you.

Didn't know where I would go, where I would be.

But you made me leave.

And plus my heart it just,it kept telling me so.

-- I Remember by Keyshia Cole

ninetyone ; a l l n i g h t e r & d a y a f t e r

so ended up allnightering at intergate in city last nighta

[net cafe under george st maccas]

after stuff happened.

was with friends, so all good, but still so fucking tired.

i still haven`t slept yet ..

why ?

because the next day [today] i stayed at city meeting other people until i finally left at 730 =____="".

and got home at 9ish, fuckkkk.

went pool, karaoke ... pool .. eurghhhh T_T.

and i`m sick of intergate too, haha.

---

i don`t get you.

why is it always so damn fucking complicated ?!

or am i just thinking too much ?

everywhere we go, you say something about how it reminds you of your ex.

okay, i`m used to that.

but now every convo has something to do with your gf.

okay. i can understand that too.

but both, in one day ?!?!?!

FUCKING HELL. IT AFFECTS ME ALRIGHT ?!?!??!?!?!?!??!

FUCK.

and then at k again today .. you were singing these songs

that you sang to me yearrrrrrrs ago.

or that you used to, before recently.

and you said it yourself "i`ll sing for/to [forgot what word] you".

...

i`m not sure if it was just cos it was dark .. but if you didn`t see the fucking expression on my face when you were singing those songs ..

...

you honestly don`t know me then.

i had the biggest urge to go to the toilet and just stay there for a few mins.

but i thought i`d tank it.

all good ...

and i guess i did tank it.

and i was fine with shit ..

until the situation that occurred that had me leaving at 730;

she had gotten off work and was about to go to the pool place ..

okay .. so .. i can understand a lil bit about how it may have been awkward .. but it wasn`t just us ... your other friend was there.

why did i have to go ?

is it cos i`m a chick ?

does she even know who i am ?

what the fuck is the reason i`m not allowed to meet her ?

and vice versa, or whatever.

and that happened before when you brought james to meet her and i stood outside behind the wall shit, waiting.

do you honestly fucking think i`m going to start shit up between you guys ?!

why the fuck would i do something like that ? why would i mess up your relationship ?

do you honestly see me as that type of person ... ?

WHO AND WHAT THE FUCK AM I TO YOU ?!?!?!?!?

and fuck, i`m out of durries now. and i really fucking need a red.

but.

i will tank it.

and talk it out in dnm with friends ...

ninety ; f o r m a l & g r a d c r u i s e 2 0 1 0

sooo !

monday night was formal =D

and it was pretty good hahaha.

the food was REALLY NICE OMGGGGGG.

didn`t expect that hehe. medium rare beef ;D.

and then ofc there was ken and danny being the bread demolishers =P.

after formal was my afters, or well .. just a party.

heaps of funny moments and i had heaps of fun.

hope everyone who went did, as well haha.

hmm. oh and you turned up for 3 hours with your friend ..

sorry for sitting on you most of that time .. ;D.

too comfy. HAHAHA.

and, MY HAT, BITCH =P.

jokes o.o"".

last night was the 2010 graduation cruise !

IT. WENT. OFF. LIKE. CRAZY.

danced pretty much all night =D.

makes me wanna go clubbing hahaha.

i had heapppps of fun there 8D. wheeeee !!!!!!

so yday i found out something pretty interesting ...

a friend who was at the afters told me what him, you and your friend were talking about in korean in that lil corner, and it was something i didn`t expect at all.

.....

how is it that you could possibly still have feelings for me ?

.....

i always thought you were over me, over everything ...

idunno what to think tbh ....

i guess i`ll just leave it. what else is there to do or say about it anyway ?

just when i think i`m going fine, back to normal, you pop back in my life, or call me or meet up.

and then next thing you know, when i`m yet again, thinking i`m back to normal, i find out you still like me ?

.....

lovely.

eightynine ; g r e n a d e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkuoRGig4Cs

Grenade - Bruno Mars (written by Claude Kelly)

Easy come, easy go

That's just how you live, oh

Take, take, take it all,

But you never give

Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss, Had your eyes wide open -

Why were they open?

Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked, Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh

I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no

Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from

Mad woman, bad woman,

That's just what you are, yeah,

You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car

Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, yes you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh

I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh You’ d watch me burn down in flames You said you loved me you're a liar Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...

But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh

I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same.

No, you won’t do the same,

You wouldn’t do the same,

Ooh, you’ll never do the same,

No, no, no, no

eightyeight ; t i m e

one week tomorrow.

how time flies ..

it`s been hard ..

and i don`t know if it`ll get any easier ..

but .. sigh ..

on a lighter note !

blowout is on wednesday, and i can`t wait ! no idea how i`m getting home =X.

ohwell hahaha. =].

and gotta work out details for formal .. afters .. fark. =X. so worried about payment for room and drinks and stuff ... ><".

ohoh !

i got a new country road bag ^^. and another formal dress, booyah ! =DD.

eightyseven ; G O O D B Y E H S C ! ! !

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

HSC

IS

FUCKING

OVERRRRRR !

SO FUCKING HAPPY =D.

hehehehe.

GOODBYE HSC.

HELLO 4 MONTHS OF HOLIDAYS ! 8D.

eightysix ; c o u n t d o w n ! ! !

and the countdown begins !

hsc will be over in approximately ..

7.5 hours ! 8D.

omfg i can`t wait. sgkaljfdkgahkflJKFDHKJSFK !

AND THEN I WILL BE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE =D.

biology, you`re a bitch to study for .. T_T.

plans for after bio/hscccc :

clean out locker

return as much stuff as i can

catch up with friends during lunch

go hursty/city

go auburn for hot pot for dinnarh !

clean room, chuck all my hsc stuff =D plan what to sell for how much at booksale. i think that`s on 19th =X ...

tell dad about my plans for the :

6th

10th

11th

15th/16th

17th

20th/21st

3rd dec

find a manual car instructor

bug dad about a manual car =D ... hopefully sports car; looking at integra type r`s atm .. =X. sigh TT. he will never approve .. )= ..

job x_x"

Ps, asap.

ohdearrrrrr ...... ahahah =L.

eightyfive ; F U C K M Y L I F E

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK >_<"""""".

in post 77, i said i was scared of drink dialling you cos of what i`d say.

well,

those fears have now come to pass ...

because i drink dialled you yesterday.

i honestly don`t remember half the shit i said to you ..

but i do remember the massively long text i sent that said quite a bit ..

sigh ..

when i reread it before calling you last night at home, i went FUCKMYLIFE.

><".

i hate you.

for not talking about it with me last night.

but fine. you have other more important things to think about.

i`m never up there on your list anymore, am i ? hahaha.

whatever.

fuck.

i just want to sort it out.

i hate leaving stuff like this ... well. like this. =_='.

sigh.

stomach still hurts a lil bit, but i`m pretty sure i threw everything up already.

hm.

not gonna drink again on sat .. gah TT. sick of vodka atm.

no more smoking either ^^. =].

i`m sorry, for everything.

eightyfour ; h m m . . .

wow it`s 1113pm.

oops just missed 1111 LOL.

anyway. woke up quite late from my nap.

and i`m still mega tired.

and on top of that, quite hungry TT.

piepiepie.

cept i feel a lil sick.

diu =_='.

anyway ! ;

i JUST remembered something you said at karaoke today, LOL ! ...

i put in 'wait for you' by elliott yamin

and i SWEAR you asked who`s that for ? or singing that to someone ?

or SOMETHING along the lines of that ....

Oo""".

i`m sorry but, whattttt ?!

LOL .. my brother was the only other person there, but it`s not like i`d be singing that to him Oo"

he`s my BROTHER, afterall.

and. not really fully singing it to you either ...

maybe i just want to sing it at k ?

=___="".

geezums ...

you astound me sometimes ... hm.

lols.

ohwell.

Oo" ....

*shakes head*. whatever. LOL.

OHYEH ! it`s

011110 today !

PALINDROMMMMEEE .. hehe ^^.

eightythree ; l e g a l & m o r e

WOOT. LEGAL IS OVER !

but i can`t say it`ll be the last time i touch it ..

seeing as i want to do criminology .. sigh. criminal law TT.

HAHA.

ohwells.

only bio left now, on friday !

& more ;

ended up going to auburn after legal exam to a friends place

where we proceeded to get to the first signs of tipsyness =D.

or well , i did.

she got more than tipsy i`d say =D. HAHAHA

smirnoff green apple twist is quite nice .. but i`m sick of it. =/

after the last time i got drunk on it .....

TT.

but, 5.5 shots today. all good ^^.

haha, my other friend and i had a few good laughs at her ;D.

then i proceeeeeeeeeded to !

go stra for karaoke, again AHAHAH.

i`m not gonna be over k for a while, shiet.

especially how i`m planning to go again tmrs ...

8D.

lalala.

and i shall go nap now, and post again later.

mega tired seeing as i didn`t sleep last night Oo

yawned at least 20 times in legal exam omfg ==

bet the supervisors were like ........... at me =S.

hehehe.

=].