one-oh-nine ; b e e n s o l o n g w o w . . .

wow, it`s been so long since i`ve blogged ... and so much has happened since then.

sorta.

uni starts in less than a week & i`m not as psyched as i thought i`d be ...

policing at uws ... who expected that ? i certainly didn`t for sure.

that`s just so not me hahaha. but ahwells.

hope i`ll meet a bunch of new people i`ll get along with =).

but hey *points to my wishlist on blogspot* i got the course i wanted =DDDDD. YAY !

been driving quite a fair bit (tho i still can`t drive with my dad ==')

and i`m psyched for the 15th of march.

why ?

i`m going for my red Ps on that day !

unfortunately it`ll be auto i`m going for ..

& then i will learn manual after ..

i want a honda civic )=.

or a fto !

or a supra !

omg T_T.

in manual tho .. so i`m not sure what i`ll be driving in auto .. hrm ..

ohwell.

i`m not sure why, but i keep having the same problems with you ...

for some reason i keep missing you, lololol.

the fuck is wrong with me, right ?

unfortunately i can`t seem to help it ...

it`s quite gay =).

so i`m going brisbane on thursday, coming back on sat.

a few people know hehe. but i`m not gonna shout it out to the world , thanks.

including you. you don`t know and i`m not planning to tell you unless you call/text me while i`m there hahaha.

i wonder how that will work out .. just imagining your reaction now ... hrm.

i still wish i was going bathurst for uni.

hoping the short break in brisbane will keep me from thinking too much, to just get away from sydney life for a while.

AND IM SO BROKE ATM TOO, FUCKMYLIFE.

used all my cny money =___='. that i was meant to save for my bday ..

so from now on, i`m gonna keep 20 from the money my dad gives to me each week, in my bank acc.

do my resume, & get a fucking job .................

SIGH !

need to start gym too. so much physical shit for uni, fuckfuckfuck !

good luck to me ........... LOL !!!!!

cos you feed me fables from your hand ..

one-oh-eight ; y a y !

been ages since i had a nice, long convo with you ...

2am - 4am ; phone

4am - 7am ; msn

7am - 9am ; phone

yay ! =D.

thanks for it ^^.

it felt like old times, especially when you kept saying i was -insert description- and i said i wasn`t.

hahaha =].

you little kid !

so damn cute on the phone sometimes, sigh.

even cuter, you fell asleep on the phone.

ngawhs.

i remember when it used to be me on the brink of falling asleep instead ...

actually, i think i fell asleep on you, on the phone once. hahaha.

you`re so adorable ....

i hope i don`t fall for you again.

tbh, i know too much. haha.

=X.

one-oh-seven ; w h y ?

does not feel like christmas is coming.

nor new years.

got jackshit plans.

SIGHS.

boxing day sales ! i need monaye )=.

working on 26th, so should be okay .. ish .. at night .. omg kill me now, i don`t want to )= ...

---

bubs .. i really don`t like hearing your thoughts about doing stupid shit.

i really don`t like hearing about how you`re scared you`re gonna fuck up your mum`s car by drifting so much.

just fucking stop then, PLEASE.

and those thoughts about doing stupid shit ? ..

i guess in a way i`m glad you`re telling me about it, even tho i feel really shit hearing about it.

i can`t believe you asked me what i would do if you died.

i can`t believe you said i`d forget about you and shit.

fuck.

do you think that little of me ?

do you really think i don`t give a shit about you ?

because, think about it, if i didn`t care, why the fuck am i still listening to you now then, hey ?

why the fuck am i still here for you, hm ?

use your brain. use your head. THINK PROPERLY.

as i said .. if you think that badly of me, then i`m not even going to bother changing your thoughts.

if that`s what you want to believe, then so be it.

i really did mean it when i said i don`t like hearing shit like that from you.

yes, i wouldn`t like hearing about it from other people too, but especially not from you ...

and the fact that you`re doubting me is cutting.

thanks.

...

i`ve told you before, idk what i`d do without you. i sent you that in a bloody text.

and in another, i said i want you in my life forever.

the fuck is wrong with you ...

okay.

can`t really blame you since you`ve got so much shit going on .. but still ..

sigh ...

hope things work out for you soon ...

one-oh-six ; d i u u u u u u u

you make it so hard to disconnect myself from you.

to distance myself from you.

why must you make it so hard ... ?

okay, so how do you make it hard ?

i thought it would be all sweet doing this , thought it would be all easy ..

and then you call me during work, crying on the phone ..

as if i would be able to hang up on someone crying to me, right.

><'.

and then .. this morning you wake me up tellin me you had a fucked up dream.

again, as if i`d hang up on someone in that situation.

fucked up thing is, you haven`t even made that damn promise to me, that i really want. that i`d rather have, if i can`t have anything else.

but no .. no promise. and you`re still talking to me.

i`m getting sick of it.

i mean, i`ll always be there for you .. but when it`s about the same shit over and over again ..

it gets bad ...

=/.

sigh.

resolution: next time you call me about this, i`m going to say ;

this is something you have to work out with the parties involved, because i can`t do anything for you, i can`t do anything about it, and it has jackshit to do with me.

=).

fucking hell.

this has gone on long enough.

i feel like i`m worth jackshit ...

one-oh-five ; 1 0 0 t r u t h s

i`m bored.

so sue me.

LOL.

100 Truths:

1. last beverage→ milkis !

2. last phone call→ dad o.o

3. last text message→ terrence Oo

4. last song you listened to→ angels cry - mariah carey ft. neyo

5. last time you cried→ uhmmm .. 2 weeks ago ? completely broke down .. twice.

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice→ ... yep. =X.

7. been cheated on?→ nup.

8. kissed someone & regretted it? yes.

9. lost someone special? sortah .. ish. =X.

10. been depressed?→ yes.

11. been drunk and threw up?→ YES LOLLLLL.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. black

13. greeeeen

14. reddddd.

THIS [YEAR] HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend→ yepskies. a few =].

16. Fallen out of love→ not yet ...

17. Laughed until you cried→ yes LOL.

18. Met someone who changed you→ nope. don`t think so.

19. Found out who your true friends were→ i found out who i get along the best with ? ...

20. Found out someone was talking about you→ motherfucking yes.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ ... yes ...

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life→ er. almost all of them =/.

23. How many kids do you want to have→ haven`t really thought about it ... if ever .. 2 ? ...

24. Do you have any pets→ yeps. beagle =]

25. Do you want to change your name→ not really no ..

26. What did you do for your last birthday→ hotel party !!!!! & a separate dinner =].

27. What time did you wake up today→ 9am. fucking atar ...

28. What were you doing at midnight last night→ skype-ing. msning. fbing.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for→ TURNING 18 FUCKKKK .. Ps. Ps. Ps. Ps. CAR CAR CAR CAR =D.

30. Last time you saw your father in law→ ... in my last life. =D.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life→ uhm .. atm, my atar ? LOLLLL.

32. What are you listening to right now→ nuthinggskies ..

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom→ no Oo

34. What's getting on your nerves right now→ guy situation =X ..

35. Most visited webpage→ er. fanfiction, facebook, hotmail ... LOL.

36. Whats your real name→ jaime

37. Nicknames→ jamez

38. Relationship Status→ single. and broken.

39. Zodiac sign→ taurus.

40. Male or female→ chick bro, chick. LOL.

41. Elementary Schools→ stra south public.

42. Middle Schools→ st george girls

43. High school→ as above !

44. Hair color→ black with .. er. old old highlights ..

45. Long or short hair→ long ?

46. Height→ 160 =X.

47. Do you have a crush on someone?→ i still like someone, but no crush.

48: What do you like about yourself?→ uhmmm ...

49. Piercings→ yep, ears. 1 on each.

50. Tattoos→ i wish.

51. Righty or Lefty→ righty.

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery→ nevarh !

53. First piercing→ year 8 =].

54. First best friend→ don`t remember O_O".

55. First sport you joined→ swimming .. ?

56. First pet→ GOLDFISH, LIKE ANY OTHER ASIAN. HAHAHAHA.

57. First vacation→ australia, 1 yrs old ! nah jokes, er, after i moved here .. i don`t remember. young =X. to hk.

58. First concert→ .. some asian one ?

59. First crush→ year 6 ? LOL.

RIGHT NOW:

60. Eating→ nothingggg

61. Drinking→ waterrrrrrrrrrrr

62. I’m about to?→ answer this =='

63. Listening to→ pretty lady on skype =D. lena i love you ♥

64. Waiting for→ the day i`m over all that shit. =X ..

YOUR FUTURE :

65. Want kids?→ maybe .. idk ..

66. Want to get married?→ maybe. not really. but. =X.

67. Careers in mind?→ criminologist/detective/copper AHAHAHAHAAHAHAH.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? :

68. Lips or eyes→ eyesss.

69. Hugs or kisses→ hugssss.

70. Shorter or taller→ TALLER.

72. Romantic or spontaneous→ spontaneous.

73. Nice stomach or nice arms→ armmmms.

74. Sensitive or loud→ uhm .. balanced between the two ?

75. Hook-up or relationship→ relationship.

77. Trouble maker or hesitant→ TROUBLE MAKER ;D.

HAVE YOU EVER :

78. Kissed a stranger→ yeppp

79. Drank hard liquor→ spirits ? yep.

80. Lost glasses/contacts→ narp.

81. Ran away from home→ nope.

82. Are you awesome→ YES I AM (H). LOL.

83. Sure?→ CHYEAH. hahahaha.

84. Broken someone's heart→ maybe ? idk Oo.

85. Been arrested→ nope.

86. Turned someone down→ yep.

87. Cried when someone died→ not about people in real life, but in movies.

88. Liked a girl friend→ as just a friend, yes. hence, she is my friend. LOL.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

89. Yourself→ no.

90. Miracles→ not really.

91. Love at first sight→ o.o no.

92. Heaven→ no ...

93. Santa Clause → ==" sorry guys, i`m the one who ate the cookies and drank the milk. =O.

95. Kiss on the first date?→ yes.

96. Angels→ no ..

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?→ yes. ><".

98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?→ nope.

99. Do you believe in God?→ not religious ..

100. Posting this as 100 Truths?→ i forgot about this half way, actually. LOLOLOL.

one-oh-four ; a t a r . . . . . . . .

got shit.

that is all. =D.

haha. so i told my rents what i got ..

or well, what uni i`m going to.

andddd also told them i`m plannin to transfer, and they didn`t rage ^^.

dad even praised me for thinking of ways to get into unsw and all

LOLLLL the fuck.

=X.

---

retard.

i text you, telling you i`ll be busy for a few days and to text or call if it`s really important ..

later in the day, you call me asking where dick smith is in city.

the. fuck. ?.

truthfully i WON`T be busy next few days, but it`s to get me started on my plan.

sigh ....

& so much for "i can`t go out tomorrow" ...

bullshit artist.

one-oh-three ; F U C K M Y L I F E

HSC RESULTS CAME OUT TODAY

DID SO SHIT.

SCARED ish FOR ATAR TOMORROW

SCHOOL RANK, PLEASE PULL ME UP ... =X ..

i really want unsw ><". sigh.

---

i`ve decided that once you let me know how things are going with your current problem, i`m going to do the whole distancing/disconnecting thing from you.

i don`t know how it`ll be for me, but it`s for the best ...

i`m scared you`re going to accuse me of using you then throwing you away.

because that is NOT true.

but .. i guess it shouldn`t matter what you think of it, since it`s got more ups for me than downs.

i don`t know if i can do this, but i will try, and put 100% effort in it.

should be able to start from weekend onwards ....

even though i really love you, i`m gonna smile because i deserve to ...

one-oh-two ; l o v e r l y

... my post didn`t save before my net screwed up.

i don`t remember word for word what i posted.

DIU.

TT.

sigh.

okay. here goes, post # 2 ..

uhm ...

oh, so, i`m mega tired, but i haven`t posted in a while, so yerh.

... i actually don`t remember how i started off the post at first .. so now this is all random shit.

mm. got into a screaming match with my mum tonight (sunday)

and i got told :

"i regret giving birth to you"

loverly.

shows how big of a disappointment i am to you.

and what did this screaming match stem from ?

me helping my dad out at the restaurant for one night.

fuck you, i think you need to realise that you have to stop putting me in the middle of the shit going on between you and my dad.

fact is, nothing is going on. you`re not even in fucking court together anymore.

why give a shit about me for, then ?

should have just aborted me when you got the chance to, like you did to who could have been my older sister/brother ...

i called you after the screaming match, and you made me feel heaps better, thanks.

i always end up calling you after shit like this, ey.

you`re probs so sick of it .. but yeh .. i appreciate it.

surprised me when you asked for her number, but no i wasn`t gonna give it to you.

and no it`s not cos i don`t trust you, it`s cos there`s no point and it would have made things worse between me and her.

but thank you, anyway ♥.

driving lesson at 3pm tomorrow.

i`m so screwed if it`s around school areas TT.

omg. =X. hahaha.

but i think i`m doing okay so far. just need to up my confidence levels and be more relaxed.

i hate roundabouts .... =D.

oooh, so i`m going out tues - sat this week

gonna be fun.

i can`t wait =D.

muahahaha.

er. you accidentally called me "honey" in a text tonight.

o.o

nah i didn`t swoon or melt over it.

realised it wasn`t intentional anyway - "since when did you call me honey ?"

no answer.

XD.

i miss you calling me that, actually. and all the other ones you used to call me.

idk how you`d react if i called you 'hun' or something .. so i don`t. but i wanna =O.

maybe i`ll do that and see XD.

keke.

i miss you.

i wanna catch up with you, one on one. just spend some time together, somewhere quiet and talk.

or even just sit there in silence.

wow i just realised, i haven`t hugged you in shit long.

=X.

wish you had your car .. haha.

& i think this is all i had in my post before, so i`m gonna sleep now

too tireddddddddddededededed TT.

lalala.

one-oh-one ; d r i v i n g

hehehehe

so i did my first hour with an instructor

and omg

he took me on hume highway for my first time TT.

i was so tense ...

fuck.

but it was pretty good, and fun o.o"

lesson #2`s on friday haha.

... fuck.

=D.

keke.

you`re shocking me again ... so many calls nowadays LOL.

not really but yeh.

btw yes i actually am a lil cut from you not answering that question.

i`m going to against the normal 'no answer means yes' belief, and just tell myself it meant 'no'.

joy.

also;

fuck you for sounding so cute when you`re sleepy/tired/just got woken up.

)= ...

such a lil kid .. sigh ..

>_<".

but anyway .. yeh.

omg turns out i didn`t need to go work tonight.

sweeeeeeeeeet as.

now i gotta ask my dad about going out tmrs o.o".

hm =L ...