sixtyfour ; w t f . . .

for some odd reason, it hurts.

now, rather than before.

and i`m not quite sure why ....

sigh ..

maybe it`s finally sunk in ?

idk.

i just .. can`t get rid of it >_<".

anyway, i was thinking that that certain day next month could be the 'make it or break it' day, i guess.

either happy ending,

or

new beginning [as friends].

idk.

right now though, gotta focus on getting rid of the hurt, and onto hsc ! 8D.

... T_T. stupid hsc. HAHAHA.

anyway, going to amy`s place tomorrow

here`s to hoping we work diligently XD.

8D.

sixtythree ; e a s y a & d i n n a r h

hehe. so i ended up watchin Easy A with danny today ! after i went lib haha.

it was pretty alrightttt.

got it`s funny parts to it, but quite a chick flick tbh ..

omg biggest shocker;

the guy who plays James in twilight plays some dude called Micah [i think] in this movie ..

fucking LOLLLL. so different to the hardcore tough vampire i swear !

ahaha.

but yehhh, pretty decent movie.

and thennn we had dinnarh after. hehe. =D.

salmon pizza O_O". pretty nice tbh. surprisingly, considering .. salmon .. on pizza ? HAHA.

but yepp !

had fun killing time tonight ! =].

tys again for dinner, if you read this !

make it up to you another time =].

sixtytwo ; e v e n m o r e n u m b

sorry to those who actually reads these, if any. i have no other place to vent .. and yeh ..

sigh.

so anyway. things got worse, i got more shocks and i feel more numb than ever.

yay.

i think from now on, i`m going to figure out who i can and cannot trust ..

and be sure of it.

really wish i had my red Ps now .. i could go cruising and get my mind off things.

once again, i regret not taking lessons when i first got my Ls.

ohwell.

guess i`ll just stay in bed, force myself to eat .. or not .. and just finish off my cruiser.

sigh.

sixtyone ; . . . . . . . . .

mind blank.

i don`t know how i should feel anymore.

i don`t think i`m feeling anything at all .. and that`s a little worrying to me ...

sigh.

guess i know the truth now, thanks.

despite the fact you had a whole year to tell me ...

not sure i can forgive you for it ...

or at least not yet ..

sigh.

ohwait. got the word for it.

i feel ..

numb.

that`s all.

just another priceless work of art, in his gallery ...

sixty ; m a n u al ! c a r ?

so, my dad asked me yesterday if i wanted what gear car i want to learn.

i, being me, of course answered MANUALLLL ! =D.

as if i`d say anything but that HEHE.

and he said okay, that`s fine, you can learn after hsc

WOOT.

bit late, i know, since i got my Ls a while ago.

but i cannnnooootttttt wait til i learn manual !

he`s gonna have to get me a manual car to practice in, and for after i get manual Ps

muahahaha. =D.

i really don`t want to drive auto on Ps .. such a waste of learning manual >_>"

haha.

so yes !

i need to start looking around for a good manual car soon ..

he probs won`t approve of the kinds i like, but )= ...

ohwells.

i have plans for this car when i get it muahahaha.

might take a while to get all the stuff together .. but when i do ..

driving heaven for me =D.

LOLLLLLL !!!!!!

i`m psyched ! 8D.

fiftynine ; f u c k e d f o r h s c

i`m mega fucked for hsc.

that is all.

LOL.

T^T.

fiftyeight ; s t a t e l i b r a r y

SIGH. T____T.

at state library atm, and bored and shit.

and just got access to net, so i`m pretty fucked HAHAHA.

anyways

i can`t study anymore )= ..

only been here what ? 40 mins ? fucking hell ..

dunno when to leave .. sigh . maybe 5 ? shall see O_O""".

stupid rain and damn guys for not being able to organise properly, or else i`d be at a bbq atm =____=' gay.

i miss you, motherfucker D= ...

i really hate you for that ...

sigh.

why can`t i do what i used to do in the past ?

that is, ignore you like it`s the easiest thing ever.

and it was ..

in the past.

now ? fuck.

only cos i like you it`s hard to do ...

if i didn`t ? pscht.

i wouldn`t have this many posts about you, or at all ... sigh.

dickhead ...

T^T.

fiftyseven ; i n s o m n i a

eurghhhhhh ..

so i was about to go sleep around 12 when the adults come home .. and proceed to complain about shit in the loudest voices ever .. meaning i couldn`t sleep FML.

and so i went online etcetc .. and now that they have gone to bed, i can`t sleep at all. >>'.

FUCKING HELL. and i was actually tired when i originally wanted to sleep !

gg )=.

and to think, i have to be up at 830 to get ready and go out .. for a study sesh at state lib. )=

T^T. kill me now .. LOL ..

fucking can`t sleep. sighs.

=S.

insomnia much, now >_>"

Because I can't sleep til you're next to me
No I can't live without you no more
Oh I stay up til you're next to me
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah

Ah, I just can't go to sleep
Cause it feels like I've fallen for you
It's getting way too deep
And I know that it's love because

fiftysix ; w e a t h e r

epic fail. i forgot that one of my related text is on my laptop that screwed up. sorta.

so now i have to redl it .. yay ..

but anyway;

fuck, this weather is so crappy.

fucking rain >_<".

makes me lazier than usual .. i haven`t studied since yesterday.

sighs.

ohwell, i`ll be at state tomorrow =] .. early .. sigh ... haha.

hm. rain.

perfect weather to be sleeping;

or lying in bed watching movies on laptop;

or being at that special someone's place [or other way around] and just spending time with them, most likely watching a dvd or something.

... okay when did i get that cheesy ?! HAHAHA.

fail me =].

that got me thinking though ...

sigh.

fiftyfive ; c o n t e m p l a t i o n s

if i`m such the opposite to what you want .. why did you bother ?

for fun ?

what reason ?

sigh ...

haha .. you know .. the night after you told me that shit .. i was on the phone with a very good friend talking about it, and she was giving me advice and all ..

but what she didn`t know was ..

i was crying. a little bit .. but tears nonetheless.

lol.

in the past, i told myself i wouldn`t let myself cry again because of a guy.

but hey .. guess that didn`t work out too well.

i know you`ll probably never read these posts ..

and if you do .. hi. and congrats, now you are able to know what i`m thinking

rather than the 'i don`t know' and the long silences i give you.

oh, and the 'maybes'.

this is where i can let everything [well, almost everything] out ..

sigh ...

i`m actually questioning my sanity at the moment, hahaha.

let me explain;

on fb, i saw a friend`s caps pics with their gf .. it was so sweet.

and hahahaha, for some fucking reason, my imagination went to possible caps pics of us.

LOLLLLLL. am i fucked in the head, or what ?

i really want them, though. maybe i`ll drag you to city one day ... sigh.

ohyeh ! i have around half a cruiser left in my bag .. had the rest that night you said all that stuff ..

hm. tasted pretty nice.

but anyway.

i was so close to have a marlboro red too .. but i decided no. save that for another time.

why am i even saying this ?

ohwell. it`s just whatever`s coming to mind now. hrmhrmhrmmmmm ....

you`ve always questioned me on things, usually on a scale of 1-10

i`ve been thinking .. maybe it`s time i turn those questions back on you.

hear your answers for once ...

i remember quite a few years ago, saying you`ll always have a place in my heart.

that that place will always be yours.

and however much i say i forgot during the course of that time until now

and however much i may seem to deny it

it`s true.

i can`t lie to myself about it.

i`ve thought it through .. and it`s very true.

you`ll always be there .. the first to grasp a bit of it ..

but i very much doubt the last .. lols ..

i think the end 2 lines i`ll post are very true in my case.

you`ll always have my heart, or at least a piece of it ..

and i honestly don`t see it coming sometimes,

because i keep telling myself, nah, it`s gone. that piece is mine again, blahblahblah ..

but i am very blinded haha ..

in more than one way.

sigh.

there`s always that one person that will always have your heart

you never see it coming cos you`re blinded from the start ...