sixtyone ; . . . . . . . . .

mind blank.

i don`t know how i should feel anymore.

i don`t think i`m feeling anything at all .. and that`s a little worrying to me ...

sigh.

guess i know the truth now, thanks.

despite the fact you had a whole year to tell me ...

not sure i can forgive you for it ...

or at least not yet ..

sigh.

ohwait. got the word for it.

i feel ..

numb.

that`s all.

just another priceless work of art, in his gallery ...

sixty ; m a n u al ! c a r ?

so, my dad asked me yesterday if i wanted what gear car i want to learn.

i, being me, of course answered MANUALLLL ! =D.

as if i`d say anything but that HEHE.

and he said okay, that`s fine, you can learn after hsc

WOOT.

bit late, i know, since i got my Ls a while ago.

but i cannnnooootttttt wait til i learn manual !

he`s gonna have to get me a manual car to practice in, and for after i get manual Ps

muahahaha. =D.

i really don`t want to drive auto on Ps .. such a waste of learning manual >_>"

haha.

so yes !

i need to start looking around for a good manual car soon ..

he probs won`t approve of the kinds i like, but )= ...

ohwells.

i have plans for this car when i get it muahahaha.

might take a while to get all the stuff together .. but when i do ..

driving heaven for me =D.

LOLLLLLL !!!!!!

i`m psyched ! 8D.

fiftynine ; f u c k e d f o r h s c

i`m mega fucked for hsc.

that is all.

LOL.

T^T.

fiftyeight ; s t a t e l i b r a r y

SIGH. T____T.

at state library atm, and bored and shit.

and just got access to net, so i`m pretty fucked HAHAHA.

anyways

i can`t study anymore )= ..

only been here what ? 40 mins ? fucking hell ..

dunno when to leave .. sigh . maybe 5 ? shall see O_O""".

stupid rain and damn guys for not being able to organise properly, or else i`d be at a bbq atm =____=' gay.

i miss you, motherfucker D= ...

i really hate you for that ...

sigh.

why can`t i do what i used to do in the past ?

that is, ignore you like it`s the easiest thing ever.

and it was ..

in the past.

now ? fuck.

only cos i like you it`s hard to do ...

if i didn`t ? pscht.

i wouldn`t have this many posts about you, or at all ... sigh.

dickhead ...

T^T.

fiftyseven ; i n s o m n i a

eurghhhhhh ..

so i was about to go sleep around 12 when the adults come home .. and proceed to complain about shit in the loudest voices ever .. meaning i couldn`t sleep FML.

and so i went online etcetc .. and now that they have gone to bed, i can`t sleep at all. >>'.

FUCKING HELL. and i was actually tired when i originally wanted to sleep !

gg )=.

and to think, i have to be up at 830 to get ready and go out .. for a study sesh at state lib. )=

T^T. kill me now .. LOL ..

fucking can`t sleep. sighs.

=S.

insomnia much, now >_>"

Because I can't sleep til you're next to me
No I can't live without you no more
Oh I stay up til you're next to me
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah

Ah, I just can't go to sleep
Cause it feels like I've fallen for you
It's getting way too deep
And I know that it's love because

fiftysix ; w e a t h e r

epic fail. i forgot that one of my related text is on my laptop that screwed up. sorta.

so now i have to redl it .. yay ..

but anyway;

fuck, this weather is so crappy.

fucking rain >_<".

makes me lazier than usual .. i haven`t studied since yesterday.

sighs.

ohwell, i`ll be at state tomorrow =] .. early .. sigh ... haha.

hm. rain.

perfect weather to be sleeping;

or lying in bed watching movies on laptop;

or being at that special someone's place [or other way around] and just spending time with them, most likely watching a dvd or something.

... okay when did i get that cheesy ?! HAHAHA.

fail me =].

that got me thinking though ...

sigh.

fiftyfive ; c o n t e m p l a t i o n s

if i`m such the opposite to what you want .. why did you bother ?

for fun ?

what reason ?

sigh ...

haha .. you know .. the night after you told me that shit .. i was on the phone with a very good friend talking about it, and she was giving me advice and all ..

but what she didn`t know was ..

i was crying. a little bit .. but tears nonetheless.

lol.

in the past, i told myself i wouldn`t let myself cry again because of a guy.

but hey .. guess that didn`t work out too well.

i know you`ll probably never read these posts ..

and if you do .. hi. and congrats, now you are able to know what i`m thinking

rather than the 'i don`t know' and the long silences i give you.

oh, and the 'maybes'.

this is where i can let everything [well, almost everything] out ..

sigh ...

i`m actually questioning my sanity at the moment, hahaha.

let me explain;

on fb, i saw a friend`s caps pics with their gf .. it was so sweet.

and hahahaha, for some fucking reason, my imagination went to possible caps pics of us.

LOLLLLLL. am i fucked in the head, or what ?

i really want them, though. maybe i`ll drag you to city one day ... sigh.

ohyeh ! i have around half a cruiser left in my bag .. had the rest that night you said all that stuff ..

hm. tasted pretty nice.

but anyway.

i was so close to have a marlboro red too .. but i decided no. save that for another time.

why am i even saying this ?

ohwell. it`s just whatever`s coming to mind now. hrmhrmhrmmmmm ....

you`ve always questioned me on things, usually on a scale of 1-10

i`ve been thinking .. maybe it`s time i turn those questions back on you.

hear your answers for once ...

i remember quite a few years ago, saying you`ll always have a place in my heart.

that that place will always be yours.

and however much i say i forgot during the course of that time until now

and however much i may seem to deny it

it`s true.

i can`t lie to myself about it.

i`ve thought it through .. and it`s very true.

you`ll always be there .. the first to grasp a bit of it ..

but i very much doubt the last .. lols ..

i think the end 2 lines i`ll post are very true in my case.

you`ll always have my heart, or at least a piece of it ..

and i honestly don`t see it coming sometimes,

because i keep telling myself, nah, it`s gone. that piece is mine again, blahblahblah ..

but i am very blinded haha ..

in more than one way.

sigh.

there`s always that one person that will always have your heart

you never see it coming cos you`re blinded from the start ...

fiftyfour ; s u n r i s e

for the first time in a while, i pulled an allnighter without meaning to.

i wasn`t even studying.

and as i type this post, the sun`s rising, and i`m sure in no time at all, the light will pass through my window into my room .. well, whatever light can get past my curtains

sunrise ... i haven`t seen it in so long haha .. sigh.

>_<".

i guess this post is for me to contemplate why i was up all night.

and i`ve come to a few conclusions ...

1. not tired. LOL.

2. i miss you.

3. i am, for some odd odd ODD reason, thinking about the beginning of last month, about us etc ..

4. i miss you. ohwait. i said that already. ahwells.

can`t help it, even after the shit you`ve said recently ... sigh ...

what is wrong with me ? hahaha.

i need to find better guys, fuck !

but anyway .. wow.

it`s 513am ...

and i`ll be at library from 9-4, i think. sigh.

wonder if i`ll fall asleep there .. probably. HAHA !

just wondering if i should be bothered getting any rest =_='.

or else i`ll sleep and not wake up on time .. especially since i have to shower and all.

GAH T_T.

until the day the ocean doesn`t meet the sand ... now and forever ...

fiftythree ; t o o l i t t l e t o o l a t e

you always seem to come to me when you need something from me.

is that all i am to you ?

someone to fall back on when times are hard for you, when you want something 'familiar' ?

i`m not who i once was.

don`t confuse that.

don`t delude yourself.

i hate how you end up doing this to me ...

the way i end up feeling even after all those convos, especially the one last night ...

sigh.

i was listening to this song when i was walking home from the park after a few smokes.

guess it fits quite well ...

well, at least some parts ...

[Verse 1:]

Come with me

Stay the night

You say the words but boy it don't feel right

What do ya expect me to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You take my hand

And you say you've changed

But boy you know your begging don't fool me

Because to you it's just a game (You know it's just too little too late)

So let me on down

'Cause time has made me strong

I'm starting to move on

I'm gonna say this now

Your chance has come and gone

And you know...

[Chorus:]

It's just too little too late

a little too wrong

And I can't wait

But you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face

But you don't like me

You just like the chase

To be real

It doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

Yeah yeaaahhh... It's just too little too late... Mhmmm

[Verse 2:]

I was young

And in love

I gave you everything

But it wasn't enough

And now you wanna communicate (You know it's just too little too late)

Go find someone else

In letting you go

I'm loving myself

You got a problem

But don't come asking me for help

'Cause you know...

[Chorus:]

It's just too little too late

a little too wrong

And I can't wait

But you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face

But you don't like me

You just like the chase

To be real

It doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

[Bridge]

I can love with all of my heart, baby

I know I have so much to give (I have so much to give)

With a player like you I don't have a prayer

That's no way to live

Ohhhh... mmm nooo

It's just too little too late

Yeaahhhh...

[Chorus:]

It's just too little too late

a little too wrong

And I can't wait

But you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face

But you don't like me

You just like the chase

To be real

It doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

Yeah

You know it's just too little too late

Oh, I can't wait

[Chorus (fading):]

It's just too little too late

a little too wrong

And I can't wait

But you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face

But you don't like me

You just like the chase

To be real

It doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

fiftytwo ; n e v e r m i n d

alright, after what you said, i don`t see a point anymore, so fuck this, and fuck you.

i don`t want to try anymore, i have no energy to ..

i`d rather focus on what i need, rather than what i don`t need or what i want.

so fuck that shit.

doesn`t matter to me anymore, but thanks for finally fucking telling me.