fiftyfour ; s u n r i s e

for the first time in a while, i pulled an allnighter without meaning to.

i wasn`t even studying.

and as i type this post, the sun`s rising, and i`m sure in no time at all, the light will pass through my window into my room .. well, whatever light can get past my curtains

sunrise ... i haven`t seen it in so long haha .. sigh.

>_<".

i guess this post is for me to contemplate why i was up all night.

and i`ve come to a few conclusions ...

1. not tired. LOL.

2. i miss you.

3. i am, for some odd odd ODD reason, thinking about the beginning of last month, about us etc ..

4. i miss you. ohwait. i said that already. ahwells.

can`t help it, even after the shit you`ve said recently ... sigh ...

what is wrong with me ? hahaha.

i need to find better guys, fuck !

but anyway .. wow.

it`s 513am ...

and i`ll be at library from 9-4, i think. sigh.

wonder if i`ll fall asleep there .. probably. HAHA !

just wondering if i should be bothered getting any rest =_='.

or else i`ll sleep and not wake up on time .. especially since i have to shower and all.

GAH T_T.

until the day the ocean doesn`t meet the sand ... now and forever ...

fiftythree ; t o o l i t t l e t o o l a t e

you always seem to come to me when you need something from me.

is that all i am to you ?

someone to fall back on when times are hard for you, when you want something 'familiar' ?

i`m not who i once was.

don`t confuse that.

don`t delude yourself.

i hate how you end up doing this to me ...

the way i end up feeling even after all those convos, especially the one last night ...

sigh.

i was listening to this song when i was walking home from the park after a few smokes.

guess it fits quite well ...

well, at least some parts ...

[Verse 1:]

Come with me

Stay the night

You say the words but boy it don't feel right

What do ya expect me to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You take my hand

And you say you've changed

But boy you know your begging don't fool me

Because to you it's just a game (You know it's just too little too late)

So let me on down

'Cause time has made me strong

I'm starting to move on

I'm gonna say this now

Your chance has come and gone

And you know...

[Chorus:]

It's just too little too late

a little too wrong

And I can't wait

But you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face

But you don't like me

You just like the chase

To be real

It doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

Yeah yeaaahhh... It's just too little too late... Mhmmm

[Verse 2:]

I was young

And in love

I gave you everything

But it wasn't enough

And now you wanna communicate (You know it's just too little too late)

Go find someone else

In letting you go

I'm loving myself

You got a problem

But don't come asking me for help

'Cause you know...

[Chorus:]

It's just too little too late

a little too wrong

And I can't wait

But you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face

But you don't like me

You just like the chase

To be real

It doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

[Bridge]

I can love with all of my heart, baby

I know I have so much to give (I have so much to give)

With a player like you I don't have a prayer

That's no way to live

Ohhhh... mmm nooo

It's just too little too late

Yeaahhhh...

[Chorus:]

It's just too little too late

a little too wrong

And I can't wait

But you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face

But you don't like me

You just like the chase

To be real

It doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

Yeah

You know it's just too little too late

Oh, I can't wait

[Chorus (fading):]

It's just too little too late

a little too wrong

And I can't wait

But you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)

You say you dream of my face

But you don't like me

You just like the chase

To be real

It doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

fiftytwo ; n e v e r m i n d

alright, after what you said, i don`t see a point anymore, so fuck this, and fuck you.

i don`t want to try anymore, i have no energy to ..

i`d rather focus on what i need, rather than what i don`t need or what i want.

so fuck that shit.

doesn`t matter to me anymore, but thanks for finally fucking telling me.

fiftyone ; f r i e n d s ?

The way it felt no fakin' it

Maybe we were movin' just a little too fast

But what we've done we can't take it back

Now I'm sitting here halfway crazy

'Cause I know she still thinks about me too

And it ain't no way in hell

That I can be just friends with you

-- Can't Be Friends, Trey Songz.

fifty ; g r a d u a t i o n 2 0 1 0

well. we`ve finally done it. we`ve finally GRADUATED !

*celebrates*.

HEHE.

but amidst all the happiness and relief of graduating, of finishing high school, there`s still a tad of sadness, of the dull realisation we`ll never be in the same rooms again, same hall, same canteen, same toilets [ew], with the same teachers and peers, on a routinely basis.

high school is over, and the only time we`ll be in the school again next is during our hsc, and when we sign out and return textbooks.

i guess we could call that the final goodbye.

i also guess missing the school and the usual routines will be inevitable. we are so used to the norm that change is an instant dislike. i`d personally say that`s due to human nature. afterall, who does like change ?

haha, i know i don`t. and so many things have changed over the years at stgghs.

friendship groups

teachers

classes

the canteen, HAHAHA.

the school buildings itself

and ourselves.

it`s all inevitable ...

graduation was quite a good day. i didn`t cry =]. guess my tears were used up the day before hahaha. and i think it was also cos my mum was there >_>".

i had fun, and i`m sure i won`t forget anyone at school, any time soon.

we`ll catch up after hsc, during our massively long holidays =].

and we`ll have fun !

hehe.

CONGRATS SEN10RS !

WE`VE GRADUATEDDDDDDD WOOOOOTTT !!!!

fortynine ; m o c k ! ! !

well, today was mock assembly day !

it was fabulous !

kudos to those who wrote the script, acted, helped out, EVERYONE !!!!!!

my throat is killing me from all the screaming today hahaha !

and score ! got to chuck candy at people HEHEHE. 8D.

well guys, there`s just one more day of high school left !!!!

>_<" nuuuuhhh ~

well actually, YES ! but ... going to cry again )=.

yes, again. LOL !

okay maybe i won`t in front of my mum >_> .....

it`s actually hard to believe we`ve been at stgghs for 6 years.

we`ve gotten through ! the good, the bad, the ... yeh. mindblank atm because i`m so tired.

but you all know what i mean.

tomorrow`s graduation, and then it will become extremely real.

we will finally be done with high school, officially.

done with year 12.

what a relief !

but of course, a bigger relief when hsc is over =]. hehe.

good luck to everyone ~ !!!!

a special SHOUT OUT to those SSPS reps who graduate tomorrow from stgghs with me !

we`ve been schooling together for 13 years !!! we`re awesome (H). hahaha !

will miss you all heaps !!!!

to my group, if you read this:

I LOVE YOU ALL. SO MOTHERFUCKING MUCH !

and i hope we stay in contact, still see each other when hsc is over, party together, chill together, just everything together !

... well, almost everything =P.

but i`ll never ever forget any of you.

we so need a group photo again tomorrow ! hehe. =].

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fortyeight ; f i v e m o r e d a y s

wow.

five more days of high school.

and out of that, technically only two have "lessons"

or should i say, parties.

wed - fri is rehearsals, muck up day, mock assembly, graduation assembly (school & year 12) and garden party ..

in only a few days, our 6 years of education at stgghs will be over.

=/.

....

...

I`M GONNA PARTAYE SO FUCKING HARD, AHHAAHHAAHAH =DD.

but tbh, i think i will miss a lot of things about hs .. =S.

sigh.

and then there`s hsc.

so close, yet so far.

fuckmylife. LOL !!!!

people, we better keep in contact after hsc ! you know who you are *stares*.

>_<" gonna miss you all ... =/.

this was quite short. ohwells. HAHA.

---

miss you nub. hope you`re feeling better ... >_<""" sighs. =S.

fortyseven ; w h e n i f i r s t m e t y o u

& when i first met you,

i never would have

imagined that i would

have such strong

feelings for you.

i never would have

thought that i would have

dreams about you or

miss being by your side

or get butterflies

in my stomach

when someone mentions

your name.

when i first met you

i never would have

thought that

i would love you.

fortysix ; m y f a u l t ?

i have just one question for you :

what did i do to make you ignore me like this ?

>_<"""" .....

fortyfive ; g i v e n u p

welll ! i`ve given up on that 30 day challenge thing, 20 days into it. haha. it started getting harder to answer for me personally .. but yep. sorry to those who kept up with reading it .. if any XD.

anyway,

SIX MORE SCHOOL DAYS LEFT, FUCK YEHHHHHH !

SO FUCKING HAPPY.

cannot wait til school`s over.

and then til HSC is over hehehe.

my november is so packed, WOOT ! i think my dad`s going to kill me before mid-november XDDD.

was meant to get report today, but i left early .. so tomorrow morning. boooo people got to see the new gym )= ohwell ! will make ms take our pdhpe class in hehe ;D.

ghey gym, we don`t even get to use it ! HAHA.

on a completely unrelated topic ..

i don`t know what you want with me haha. we took a step forward, i did truly try, but then you said we should take a step backwards ... and now ? now `re just friends, but i feel as if we`re drifting away again. ever since what you told me last week, you don`t seem as if you want to talk to me anymore. no worries, i won`t call or text anymore okay ?

i`m sorry that wherever we go, whatever we do or whatever i say reminds you of her. i don`t mean to do that .. but i`m just wondering, is that partially the reason why you gave me that talk about taking a step back ? lols. you should have said that in the first place and not the other stuff, whether or not they were your reasons too. i think this reason would have made a bigger impact on me haha. and still does ...

but hey. that`s alright. i lived through something like that once, i`ll live through it again. funny thing is, both times were because of you. is that just bad luck for me ? hahaha.

hm. i remember you saying last week we`d still be friends yet not go off with others. now i`m just questioning how reasonable that is ... i`m not sure i want to be tied to a guy who`s not over his ex, haha. not sure how fair that is to me ....

sigh. i know i won`t be able to forget you; i mean we`re still talking after so many years, so many months of no contact etc.

but you know what ? i`m not sure i can try anymore. i`m not sure i want to. how long will it take ? lols. you know me, i know me. i`m the type of person who wants to mess around a bit, have fun, party, get wild [ish] and stuff .. and lols. we both know you don`t like that very much, ey ?

maybe .. maybe something might happen between us for real in the future. third time lucky ? but neither of us will really know. maybe some time soon down the track you`re with another girl, and i`m with another guy. or still partying, LOL.

the future`s not set in stone.

but yehh .. i`ve given up.

guess i need to focus on hsc anyway .... >_<"""".

and it seems like yesterday, it was just a dream .. but those days are gone, they`re just memories ...